Life's so sad, afterall.

Hmm.. I'd always have faith that things would be better after I stumble. Well, afterall I do have to pick up the pieces slowly and that's just what I am doing now. Like they always say, you can't be always running away from truths, you have to face it. I've suffer so much setbacks, but this is by far the worse. When everything, literally, EVERYTHING falls apart.. And I have not much of a choice to turn to, I still have to put up a strong front.. Who could possibly understand what lies behind a smile? But I'd always hope time would heal even though it'll etched me with marks. I'm still chasing the light, before I stumble into pitch black darkness.. Isn't this the hardest part of living.

I still can't make myself to talk to anyone at home. I just REFUSE to, and I'm sorry if I've become dumb.

I can't believe that a phonecall could actually leave me speechless and that it could change everything. I really don't know what can I do now. I thought to myself how selfish I was and it made me realise the importance of being human, least. I wish I could buy the time we've let go so much. 3 months just whizzed past, how long more are we going to wait?

I have always forgetten the ones whom actually cares for me. We are just unaware how we take things for granted. Now that I realise, a simple message could actually bring a smile across my face. The simplest little things that could bring you back together. And I really just don't know how to appreciate it.

I'm that selfish.
Even to myself.

To make myself wait for naught. How ignorant I am to these advices. Am I going to continue on, 4 years? 10? I really don't know. If finding someone new was that easy, I would have left you long ago. I wouldn't be stuck still thinking how are you and are you okay. Somehow I just need a tight slap in the face by reality to make me wake up. Or I'll just be drowning in this never ending bottomless pit, the losing end, no endless. Falling and still falling down.

And STILL falling.....

Like I wouldn't even hurt. Anyway, I've gathered all my thoughts. Just live like a disease in my heart. I won't budge, but I know when it's time. When to cure or go.. I only live in my regrets, I know..

Anyway, another day in school later. 1st Ave day. Hmm. And I need to clean up my A&P report. That sucks. Hope it doesn't rain anymore, I want to escape.



I'm sorry everyday.